My Battle with Anxiety, pt. 1

Do you know what it is like to be a kid who is terrified of birthday parties? What if you absolutely dreaded the first day of school or rarely got excited about a school field trip? That is what it’s like for a child with anxiety - that’s what my childhood was like. The only thing harder than living like that was the fact that no one else knew, so I lived like that alone.

Growing up with this kind of state of mind was exhausting to say the least. Always worrying, always expecting the worst. Having dreams but not the confidence to pursue them. There were times that I could muster the courage and persevere. The Lord brought me a wonderful, supportive husband and two beautiful daughters. But many sleepless nights and constant anxiety robbed a lot of joy from moments that should have been different.

16 years ago things got to a breaking point for me. After having suffered the loss of several pregnancies which in turned caused even more anxiety and living almost to the point of becoming a hermit, the Lord did something I never imagined. He called me to minister to His people.

Background

I’m a PK (Preacher’s Kid). This is a topic that I’m sure my brother and I will refer to a lot on this site and in this ministry. It is a part of us and has shaped us in many ways. 16 years ago, my family and I moved back to our hometown after more than 10 years away. Those 10 years will be the topic of another blog post (or more) in the future. We hadn’t been attending church; however, the Lord had been doing a work in us and when we came home - we were hungry & thirsty for the Word, worship & fellowship.

The Breakthrough

My calling came at a conference that I attended with my mom & several friends. The Lord was very clear in His message to me. He said, “You will minister to my people.” plain and simple. When I heard this in my spirit something came alive. Something that had never sparked before suddenly was ablaze inside me. I started right away pursuing this new calling. I started taking courses and enrolled in Bible college. I took every opportunity I could find for training and discipleship. But something was holding me back from fully stepping into this new dream. I didn’t want to acknowledge it but deep down I knew I had to deal with my anxiety.

How do you deal with a mentality that you have had for as long as you can remember?